


Goodbye

by Okadiah



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, But maybe in a satisfying way, Contemplation, F/M, Last Moments, Spoilers, s04e10 Jedi Night, this is going to hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-21 23:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13751733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Okadiah/pseuds/Okadiah
Summary: Kanan had hoped it wouldn't turn out this way. But it had.And all he could think of was Hera.MAJOR SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 10: JEDI NIGHT





	Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> You all had to know I was going to do it. This is going to hurt, but I also think it’s satisfying.
> 
> So enjoy. Or cry. Or both.

He’d hoped it wouldn’t turn out this way, even if the likelihood had been high. It had been like a warning in the Force, every time he’d encountered the Loth-wolves. Every time he’d meditated. In every beat of his heart. He’d know the risk when he’d set out with Ezra and Sabine.

But even after he’d found Hera’s Kalikori like a beacon in the Force, even after he’d saved Hera, even after she’d _finally_ told him how she felt … even after the kiss …. Still.

Kanan had hoped.

But with the inferno raging, and him the only thing standing between safety and his family’s death, it was time to face the truth. The end was here. _His_ end … it was here.

And after a lifetime spent running from it, now that his number was up, he found he wasn’t afraid.

A lingering bit of selfishness in his heart wished he could be afraid. The fighter in him reasoned it didn’t have to be like this. Maybe … maybe he could still make it. Force jump to safety. Keep the protective barrier up long enough so they could all limp on to harass the Empire another day. Together. So he and Hera could _finally_ be more. Have more. So he could have more time with Ezra, and Sabine, and Zeb and Chopper. His family. His precious family.

But that wasn’t the will of the Force, and he should know with it surging through him like nothing he’d ever experienced before. Coming to him like divine assistance, if only to save those who mattered to him most just one more time. Perform one final, selfless act.

Perhaps one which might have the power to change everything. Catalyze the crew and the rebellion into something greater. Something more. Even at the cost of his own life.

He could’ve chuckled. It was practically a bargain deal.

In the Force, he could feel Hera’s fear. Her panic as she struggled to get to him and pull him to safety. The growing realization that this was it.

It was so tempting to hold her there, suspended in the air and safe for as long as he could. Keep her with him, connected to him until the very end. But his hold in the Force was weakening, and the Force settled around him in a way Master Billaba’s hand on his shoulder had many times in his youth, when it was time to go. And it _was_ time to go.

For all of them.

Kanan wished there were words he could have given her. Given all of them, but the time for words was gone and done. He didn’t feel regret, though.

Well, that was a lie. But he didn’t regret it too much, because although he hadn’t said too many of the right words, he’d made sure he’d said them with his actions. Over the years, he’d given his family all the time he’d had. Every bit of devotion. And even if … even if there wasn’t any more time left to give Hera just one ‘I love you’, if only one … she knew.

With every tender look — and after he’d lost his sight — every gentle touch, he’d told her. He’d never _said_ it because Hera couldn’t handle it, at least not as something fully realized. Not out in the open. Not when she was so focused on the rebellion and all the amazing and incredible things which drove her. And he’d known that about her, so he’d never said it out loud. He’d contented himself with all the little ways he could say it instead. The quiet ones which meant the most. The ones she _could_ accept.

The blaze shoved against him with renewed fury and his grip was slipping. He couldn’t hold her any longer. If he did, she’d die with him, and that was the last thing he wanted. He needed … he needed to let her go.

He needed to let them all go.

And so Kanan did the only thing left _to_ do and threw her back to Ezra, and for a timeless moment, the world stilled. The Force shifted, and like a final gift for accepting its will with all the understanding and sacrifice befitting a true Jedi, to his astonishment the darkness cleared. The miracle of sight opened his world again, and all he could see was her.

Green. Beautiful, despite the torture and that horrible orange jumpsuit. Eyes the purest shade of emerald. Emerald he’d only seen in his dreams, ever since his world had faded to black. Eyes horrified by what was going on.

Kanan wished he could wipe the horror and pain away. See her smile one more time. He’d loved her smile, just like he’d loved everything about her.

But he couldn’t. And it was time.

The moment held just long enough for him to tell Hera he loved her with his eyes. Let her glimpse the depths of the soul and connect with her in that jarring electric way he’d missed so much. They’d missed so much. He’d never thought he’d have this again.

And with his eyes, he said goodbye.

For the first time, Kanan pushed his loved ones away with everything he had. He watched Sabine show so much strength as she flew them to safety, leaving him behind. Watched Ezra cling to Hera and keep her safe, since it was up to him now and he was doing a damn fine job.

And he watched Hera. Watched her as long as he could with an open heart, relieved that he’d done this right. That he’d saved her and they’d had one final moment. That he was keeping the rebellion alive, in his own way. That he’d found himself and his path again after so long.

Kanan took a deep breath, and with one last smile, let the light overwhelm him and sweep him away.


End file.
